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HUMOR  FROM  THE  VALLEY - August 19, 2001

"A cheerful disposition is good for your health . . ."
Proverbs 17:22 (Message Translation)

:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o):o) :o) :o) :o):o) :o)


I just finished my second week in the ranks of the unemployed.  Not much
fun, but I'm still safely in God's hands.  This seemed like a good time to
me for some laugh lines.  For new members to the list, we try to do Humor
from the Valley once a month as a break from the heavier topics in Notes.
We collect "clean" jokes from various sources of humor and assemble our
favorites for our readers in the hopes it will bring a little laughter to
somebody's day.  Here's a few of the other reasons why we believe these
editions are important.

 "So I commend the enjoyment of life, because nothing is better for a man
under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany him
in his work all the days of the life God has given him under the sun."
Eccelesiastes 8:15

"Laughter is God's hand on a troubled world."     Johann Weiss

"Laughter is the most beautiful and beneficial therapy God ever granted
humanity.  It is often just as sacred to laugh as it is to pray."   Charles
R. Swindoll

 "It is the heart that is not yet sure of its God that is afraid to laugh in
his presence."  George Macdonald

"Laughter is one of God's greatest  gifts to the world.  It really is the
answer to most of our problems. We are free to smile.  Our maker makes room
for laughter!"   Emmett  Kelly, Jr.

Humor is not a postscript or an incidental afterthought; it is a serious and
weighty  part of the world's economy.  One feels  increasingly the height of
the faculty in which it arises, the nobility of things associated with it,
and the greatness of services it renders.   Oscar W. Firkins

May the pages that follow bring a smile to your face and a lift to your
spirit.  I remain your brother  in Christ always,

Steve Hall



SOME  SUNDAY  FUNNIES
(Received from NET153 Sunday Funnies)

After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While
she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates.
She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and
all the other people she had loved and who had died before her.  They saw
her and began calling greetings to her- "Hello" "How are you! We've been
waiting for you!" "Good to see you".  When Saint Peter came by, the woman
said to him "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word", Saint Peter told her.

"Which word?", the woman asked.

"Love."

The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.
About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the
Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the Gates of
Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm surprised to see you", the woman said.
"How have you been?"

"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died", her husband told her. "I
married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill.
And then I won the lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and
bought a big mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We
were on vacation and I went water skiing today. I fell, the ski hit my head,
and here I am. How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word", the woman told him.

"Which word?", her husband asked.

"Czechoslovakia."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Barbara Walters had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years
before the Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walked about
10 feet behind their husbands. She returned to Kuwait recently and observed
that the men now walked several yards behind their wives.

Ms. Walters approached one of the women for an explanation. "This is
marvelous," she said. "What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of
roles?"
The Kuwaiti woman replied, "Land mines."



AND  THE  WINNER  IS . . ?
(Received from Linda Layton)

Charlie was a regular visitor at the racetrack. One afternoon he noticed an
unusual sight. Right before the first race, a Catholic priest visited one of
the horses in the stable area and gave it a blessing. Charlie watched the
horse race very carefully, and sure enough, the blessed horse came in first!

Charlie followed the priest before the next race, and again he went to the
stables and performed a similar procedure. Charlie played a hunch and put a
couple of dollars on the blessed horse. Sure enough the blessed horse came
in first.

The priest continued the same procedure through the next few races, and
Charlie won $1,000 and decided to bet his life savings, $20,000.

The biggest race of the day was the last one. Charlie followed the priest
and watched carefully which horse he blessed. He then went to the betting
window and put his whole $21,000 bundle of cash on that horse to win. Then
Charlie went out to watch the horses race. Down the stretch they came, and
as they crossed the finish line, the horse Charlie's fortune was bet on was
dead last!

Charlie was crushed. He located the priest and told him that he had been
watching him bless the horses all day, and they all became winners except
the last horse on which he had bet his life savings. Charlie then asked,
"What happened to the last horse which you blessed? Why didn't it win like
the others?"

"That's the trouble with you Protestants," sighed the priest. "You can never
tell the difference between a blessing and the last rites."



FINDING  THE  LORD
(Received from BFO)

A drunk stumbles along a Baptismal service on a Sunday afternoon down by the
river. He proceeds to stumble down into the water and stands next to the
Minister. The Minister turns, notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are
you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk looks back and says, "Yes sir, I am."

The Minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back
up.  "Have you found Jesus?" the Minister asked.

"No, I didn't!" said the drunk.

The Minister then dunks him under for a quite a bit longer, brings him up
and says, "Now brother, have you found Jesus?"

"No, I did not!" said the drunk again.

Disgusted, the Minister holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this
time, brings him up and demands, "For the grace of God, have you found Jesus
yet?!!!??"

The old drunk wipes his eyes and pleads, "Are you sure this is where he fell
in?"



BIGGER  IN  TEXAS
(Received from Linda A. Russell via GCFL)

A young man who left his home in Texas at an early age, finally purchased
his own ranch in Oklahoma. He invited his father out for a visit, and took
him on a tour of the property. Driving along in the son's pickup truck, a
jack rabbit hopped onto the road in front of them.  The son stopped the
truck to let the rabbit pass, and the father queried: "What in tarnation is
that!?"

The son incredulously replied, "That's a jackrabbit, Dad, what did you think
it was?"

The father shrugged and said, "We grow 'em a lot bigger'n that back home in
Texas."

So they went on and a little farther on they came to a few buffalo roaming
the range. The son stopped the truck and the father again said in a puzzled
tone "What are those?"

The son hesitantly said "Those are buffalo, Dad; you gotta be kiddin' me,
you really don't recognize them?"

The father replied "Well, I guess they're kinda familiar -- it's just that
we grow 'em so much bigger back in Texas."

The son, a bit disgruntled, drove on in silence. At length they approached a
low part in the road with marshy wetlands on either side. A large snapping
turtle lumbered onto the road. The father peered intently at the creature
and said "Now what the heck is that thing!?"

Without missing a beat, the son replied, "wood tick"...

________________________________________________

Copyright © 1998 - 2001 by Stephen J. Hall  -   Weekly letters of
encouragement to Christians written by Stephen J. Hall unless otherwise
indicated.  Notes from the Valley and Humor from the Valley are  meant to
brighten your day and encourage you along the way.  Most of "Notes" and
"Humor" are a collection of items provided to me by subscribers and friends.
Credit is given to both the contributor and to the true author, where known.
If you are blessed by them, please feel free to make copies and pass them
along to others.  If you have something you'd like to contribute to a future
edition, or any questions or comments, please contact us at:

sossteve@...

________________________________________________

"Surely God does not reject a blameless man or strengthen the hands of
evildoers.  He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with
shouts of joy."  Job 8:20-21 (NIV)