:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o):o) :o) :o) :o):o) :o) Humor from the Valley - July 28, 2000 "A cheerful disposition is good for your health . . ." Proverbs 17:22 (Message Translation) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o):o) :o) :o) :o):o) :o) Topic: Kids' Stuff - Volume 4 "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children." "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me." "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 11:25-26/18:3-5/19:14 Doing an edition of Humor from the Valley is always fun. But Cathy and I seem to always get the most enjoyment out of doing these editions we call "Kids' Stuff." That's because "Kids' Stuff" focuses entirely on jokes and stories about children and their unique way of looking at and dealing with life. As we read the jokes, memories of our own childhoods come back. Those sweet, innocent days before the cares of this world took a firm foothold in our lives. And we remember our own children at that tender young age as well; how they lived life with such joy and excitement; so much wonder at the tiniest of discoveries. So many questions. Such an awareness of the intricate beauty around us. Such a willingness to share those discoveries and their love with anyone open to receive them. And an instant acceptance that God and His angels are very real and always available to hear us when we talk, comfort us when we're afraid, and protect us when we're in danger. Is it any wonder God has a special place in His heart for these "little ones?" That He wants us to be like little ones again. The children He created us to be. His children. We pray you will enjoy each of the jokes and stories that follow. That they will give you a chuckle and brighten your day. But we pray they will also remind you of the way you used to be and the heavenly Father who longs for you to be that way again. We remain His less than perfect children - sheltered under His wing and overwhelmed by His love. Steve & Cathy Hall THROUGH A CHILD'S EYES (Received from KiserLinda) One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while, and then said, "Gee Momma, you must have been a really bad little girl - ALL of grandma's hairs are white?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (Received from A Merry Heart) A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a goodnight story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?" "Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago." "Oh," she said and then "Grandpa, did God make me too?" "Yes indeed, honey," he answered. "God made you just a little while ago." Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't he??" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (Received from Kimberly via HeartStrings) Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while, he emerged and informed his mother that he had thought it over and then said a prayer. "Fine!" said the pleased mother. "If you asked God to help you not misbehave, He will help you." "Oh, I didn't ask Him to help me," said Johnny, "I asked Him to help you put up with me!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ (Received from JR via Mikeys-funnies) After church one Sunday morning, a mother commented, "The choir was awful this morning." The father commented, "The sermon was too long." Their 7-year-old daughter added, "You've got to admit it was a pretty good show for a dollar." PSALM 23 - ABBREVIATED VERSION (Received from Tina via -LCNMfellowship) A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible . . . Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the verse. Little Johnny was excited about the task, but he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Johnny was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my shepherd . . . and that's all I need to know!" A FEW FROM THE SUNDAY FUNNIES (Received from Pastor Jim and Net 153 Sunday Funnies) A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children fell to discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck." Then a third child brought the argument to a close . . . "They use the dog," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A little boy and his mother stopped in front of an abstract painting in a gallery exhibition. "What is that?" asked the boy. It's supposed to be a child and his dog," she replied. "Well," demanded the boy. "Why isn't it?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces and laid it on the altar. 'And then Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times,' said the teacher. 'Now, said the teacher, 'can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?' A little girl in the back of the room raised her hand and said, 'To make the gravy?' BABYSITTER'S BLUES (Received from GCFL) A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along. "I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!" "Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said. The boy said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait." "DEAR GOD" LETTERS (Received from Yogi Bourhill - Author Unknown) No wonder God loves little children. Dear God, I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday. That was cool! - Eugene Dear God, Thank you for my baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. - Joyce Dear God, Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up. - Bruce Dear God, I want to be just like my daddy when I get big, but not with so much hair all over. - Sam Dear God, I think about you sometimes, even when I'm not praying. - Elliott Dear God, I bet it is very hard for you to love all the people in the world. There are only four people in our family and I can never do it. - Nan Dear God, If you watch me in church Sunday, I'll show you my new shoes. - Mickey Dear God, I do not think anybody could be better God. Well, I just want you to know that I am not just saying this because you are God already. - Charles Dear God, Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. - Larry WHERE'S GOD? (Another from Yogi Bourhill - Author Unknown) He was just a little boy on the first day of the week. He was wandering home from Sunday School and dawdling along the way. He scuffed his shoes into the grass. He found a caterpillar. He found a fluffy milkweed pod, and blew out all its filler. A bird's nest in a tree overhead, so wisely paced on high, was just another wonder that caught his eager eye. A neighbor watched his zig-zag course and called him from his lawn. He asked him where he'd been and what was going on. I've been to Bible School," he said, and turned a piece of sod. He picked up a wiggly worm, replying: "I've learned a lot about God" "M'm, very fine way," the neighbor said, "for a boy to spend his time. If you will tell me where God is, I'll give you a brand new dime." Quick as a flash the answer came, nor were his words faint. "I'll give you a dollar, Mister, if you can tell me where God ain't." _______________________________________________________________ Copyright © 2000 by Stephen J. Hall - Weekly letters of encouragement to Christians written by Stephen J. Hall unless otherwise indicated. Notes from the Valley and Humor from the Valley are never intended to offend anyone. They're meant only to brighten your day and encourage you along the way. Most of "Notes" and "Humor" are a collection of items provided to me by subscribers and friends. Credit is given to both the contributor and to the true author, where known. If you are blessed by them, please feel free to make copies and pass them along to others. If you have something you'd like to contribute to a future edition or would like to ask us a question or make a comment, please contact us at: sossteve@... _____________________________________________________________ "Surely God does not reject a blameless man or strengthen the hands of evildoers. He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy." Job 8:20-21 (NIV)