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HUMOR  FROM  THE  VALLEY - September 15, 2000

"A cheerful disposition is good for your health . . ."
Proverbs 17:22 (Message Translation)

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With all the negative stuff going on in our lives right now, it's definitely
time for some laughter. Each edition we normally provide you with a series
of quotes as a reminder of why we do "Humor" editions at least once each
month.  This month, thanks to one of our contributors, we've got some new
information about the importance of humor to share with you.  It's a bit
long, but I think you'll find it worth reading.  And never fear, we've left
plenty of room for some jokes at the end.  Thanks for all your prayers and
support.  Enjoy a good, healing laugh with us and have a great week.

With love from your brother and sister in Christ,

Steve & Cathy Hall



LAUGHTER  REALLY  IS  GOOD  MEDICINE
(Received via -LivingforJesus from Neville Christensen)

Laughter and humor are two powerful tools, helping people cope and get
through threatening situations.  Looking at life's situations with a sense
of humor and laughter provides perspective and helps keep things in balance
when life seems unfair. Humor and laughter are a source of power, healing,
and survival. We often forget this when caught up in the troubles and trauma
of life.  Bill Cosby says, "If you can find humor in anything, you can
survive it."

Humor gives a sense of power.  There are many things in life that we have no
control over and can't change. As long as we have a sense of humor, however,
we can do something -- such as minimize the hold that upsets have over us.
Humor has the power to turn any situation around.

Humor helps us cope.  A lot of the suffering and troubles we experience are
not a result of our difficulties, but how we view them. Gail Sheehy notes in
her best seller, Pathfinders, that the ability to see humor in a situation
was one of the four coping devices that  people who overcome life's crises
used as a protection against change and uncertainty.  Using humor in
difficult times can be one of the smartest ways of coping with them, easing
our worries, and getting on with life.

Humor helps establish communication and rapport.  Laughter knows no cultural
boundaries. You don't have to speak the same language to laugh together.
Laughter also helps break the ice when you're in a group. It is the one form
of communication to which everyone can relate.

Humor relieves tension.  We all know the relief we feel when someone in a
group makes a funny comment during a tense situation.  Humor dispels anger
and aggression in ourselves and others.  It helps to use humor when dealing
with an angry child. A study of humor in the classroom showed lower scores
on aggression for students viewing a humorous videotape.

Humor increases learning and retention.  Laughing stimulates both sides of
the brain. People get the message quicker and remember it longer.

The better adjusted you are and the more satisfying your lifestyle, the more
readily you will respond to the humor in jokes, cartoons, and everyday
situations. Be aware of taking yourself too seriously. It is important to
learn to laugh at yourself.  You can learn to share your laughter and help
make others laugh. This doesn't mean telling jokes unless that is one of
your talents. It means beginning to share your humorous perspective and
giving others permission to do the same. A good sense of humor is something
everyone can work on. It doesn't just happen. Here are some suggestions to
help add more laughter to your life:

Recognize the value of humor.  Don't worry or analyze why people laugh --
just participate.  Think funny -- look for the humor in every situation.
Learn to laugh at the incongruities in life.  Keep a notebook of funny
things and write in it daily.  Adapt material. Use humor from any source.
Personalize it and change it to suit your situation or the problem at hand.

Remember that laughter not only makes you feel better, but the use of humor
can be a major tool for insight. George Burns says it best: "You can't help
getting older, but you can help getting old. Chronologically, the clock is
going to keep on ticking for all of us, but if we take a lick of humor, we
can prevent a hardening of the attitudes. If we savor humor, humor can be a
lifesaver."

References:  Klein, Allen. The Healing Power of Humor. Los Angeles: Jeremy
P. Tarcher, Inc., 1989;
Nelson, Donna, One Life to Laugh. Glendale: Potentials, 1990.  Prepared by
Nancy K. Recker, OSU Extension Agent, Family and Consumer Sciences



REAL  LIFE  FUNNIES
(Rules for Bank Robbers from Mikeys-funnies)

According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated
and unprofessional crimes," committed by young male repeat offenders who
apparently don't know the first thing about their business. For instance it
is reported that in spite of the widespread use of surveillance cameras, 76
percent of bank robbers use no disguise, 86 percent never study the bank
before robbing it, and 95 percent make no long-range plans for concealing
the loot. Thus, this advice is offered to would-be bank robbers, along with
examples of what can happen if the rules aren't followed:


1. Pick the right bank. Clark advises that you don't follow the lead of the
fellow in Anaheim, California, who tried to hold up a bank that was no
longer in business and had no money. On the other hand, you don't want to be
too familiar with the bank. A California robber ran into his mother while
making his getaway. She turned him in.

2. Approach the right teller. Granted, this is harder to plan. One teller in
Springfield, Mass., followed the holdup man out of the bank and down the
street until she saw him go into a restaurant. She hailed a passing police
car and the police picked him up. Another teller was given a holdup note and
her father, who was next in line, wrestled the robber to the ground and sat
on him until authorities arrived.

3. Don't sign your demand note. Demand notes have been written on the back
of a subpoena issued in the name of a bank robber in Pittsburgh, on an
envelope bearing the name and address of another in Detroit, and in East
Hartford, Conn., on the back of a withdrawal slip giving the robber's
signature and account number.

4. Beware of dangerous vegetables. A man in White Plains, New York, tried to
hold up a bank with a zucchini. The police captured him at his house, where
he showed them his "weapon."

5. Avoid being fussy. A robber in Panorama City, California gave a teller a
note saying, "I have a gun. Give me all your twenties in this envelope." The
teller said, "All I've got is two twenties." The robber took them and left.

6. Don't advertise. A holdup man thought that if he smeared mercury ointment
on his face, it would make him invisible to the cameras. Actually, it
accentuated his features, giving authorities a much clearer picture. Bank
robbers in Minnesota and California tried to create a diversion by throwing
stolen money out of the windows of their cars. They succeeded only in
drawing attention to themselves.

7. Take right turns only. Avoid the sad fate of the thieves in Florida who
took a wrong turn and ended up on the Homestead Air Force Base. They drove
up to a military police guardhouse and, thinking it was a tollbooth, offered
the security men money.

8. Provide your own transportation. It is not clever to borrow the teller's
car, which she carefully described to police. This resulted in the most
quickly-solved bank robbery in the history of Pittsfield, Mass.

9. Don't be too sensitive. In these days of exploding dye packs, stuffing
the cash into your pants can lead to embarrassing stains, not to mention
severe burns in sensitive places--as bandits in San Diego and Boston
painfully discovered.

10. Consider another line of work. One nervous Newport, Rhode Island,
robber, while trying to stuff his ill-gotten gains into his shirt pocket,
accidentally shot himself. Then there was the case of the hopeful criminal
in Swansea, Mass., who, when the teller told him she had no money, fainted.
He was still unconscious when the police arrived.



THE  IRONIES  OF  LIFE
(Received via GCFL from William Oswald..)

Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation.  "How'd you
die?" the first man asks the second.

"I froze to death," says the second.

"That's awful," says the first man. "How does it feel to freeze to death?"

"It's very uncomfortable at first," says the second man.  "You get the
shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes.  But eventually,
it's a very calm way to go.  You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if
you're sleeping.  How about you, how did you die?"

"I had a heart attack," says the first man. "You see, I knew my wife was
cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the
bedroom, and found her alone, knitting.  I ran down to the basement, but no
one was hiding there, either.  I ran up to the second floor, but no one was
hiding there either.  I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I
got there, I had a massive heart
attack and died."

The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic," he says.

"What do you mean?" asks the first man.

"If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."



SOME  GREAT  ONE  LINERS
(Received via Jehovah from Tally)

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to
McDonald's makes you a hamburger.

Real friends are those who, when you feel you've made a fool of yourself,
don't feel you've done a permanent job.

A coincidence is when God performs a miracle and decides to remain
anonymous.

You don't have to attend every argument you're invited to.

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% of how you respond to it.

Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them
all yourself.

There are two things I have learned: There is a God.  And I'm not Him.

Following the path of least resistance is what makes rivers and men crooked.

Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's
grace. And your best days are never so good that you're beyond the need of
God's grace.



FAME?
(Received from Net153)

*Three executives were sitting around trying to put a definition on the word
"fame."

One said:  "Fame is being invited to the White House for a talk with the
President."

The second executive said:  "No, fame is being invited to the White House
for a talk with the President-and when the Hot Line interrupts the
conversation, he doesn't answer it."

The third executive said, "You're both wrong.  Fame is being invited to the
White House for a talk with the President and when the Hot Line rings, he
answers it, listens a moment, and then says..."here, it's for you."



THE BURGLAR
(Received from Tina via -LCNMfellowship)

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around,
looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his
sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is
watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out
and froze.  When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head,
promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light
back on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo
out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is
watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking
for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his
flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.  "Did you say that?" He hissed at
the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of stupid people would name a
parrot Moses?"

The bird promptly answered, "Probably the same kind of people that would
name a Rottwieler Jesus."



THE  ARMY  OF  THE  LORD
(Received from A Merry Heart)

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher
was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my
friend by the hand and pulled him aside.

The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."

Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and
Easter?"

He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."



A  LITTLE  REGIONAL  HUMOR
(Received from Linda Layton)

A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in  the long line of
judgment. As he stood there he noticed that  some souls were allowed to
march right through the pearly  gates into heaven. Others, though, were led
over to Satan who  threw them into the burning pit. But every so often,
instead  of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss a soul  off
to one side into a small pile.

After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's  curiosity got the
best of him.  So he strolled over and asked  Satan, "Excuse me, Prince of
Darkness," he said. "I'm waiting  in line for judgment, but I couldn't help
wondering, why are  you tossing those people aside instead of flinging them
into the fires of hell with the others?"

"Ah, those..." Satan said with a groan. "They're all from Seattle, they're
too wet to burn."

_______________________________________________________________

Copyright © 1998 - 2000 by Stephen J. Hall  -   Weekly letters of
encouragement to Christians written by Stephen J. Hall unless otherwise
indicated.  Notes from the Valley and Humor from the Valley are never
intended to offend anyone.  They're meant only to brighten your day and
encourage you along the way.  Most of "Notes" and "Humor" are a collection
of items provided to me by subscribers and friends.  Credit is given to both
the contributor and to the true author, where known.  If you are blessed by
them, please feel free to make copies and pass them along to others.  If you
have something you'd like to contribute to a future edition, or any
questions or comments, please contact us at:

sossteve@...
_____________________________________________________________

"Surely God does not reject a blameless man or strengthen the hands of
evildoers.  He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with
shouts of joy."  Job 8:20-21 (NIV)