:o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o):o) :o) :o) :o):o) :o) Humor from the Valley - September 29, 2000 "A cheerful disposition is good for your health . . ." Proverbs 17:22 (Message Translation) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o) :o):o) :o) :o) :o):o) :o) Topic: Kids' Stuff - Volume 5 "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children." "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me." "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 11:25-26/18:3-5/19:14 We love those verses of scripture. Children have been such a tremendous blessing to our lives. And God has used our children in so many ways to pour out His blessings upon us. So often He would use some triumph or mistake we made as parents to give us a deeper revelation of our relationship with Him. In a moment of parental pride, He would give a vision of some small act of service we had done and the pride He'd felt at our first, often feeble attempts to follow Him. And in some moment of parental frustration, when we felt like screaming, He gave us an equally sharp picture of something we had done that made Him feel much the same frustration toward us. Not only did He use each event to show us more about His role as our heavenly Father, but He used them to show us more about our role as His children. As a way of celebrating that role and remembering our countless blessings, we occasionally do an edition of "Humor from the Valley" that focuses entirely on children. We call these editions "Kid's Stuff." This time, however, we've also included several serious articles because of the way they touched our hearts. We hope you don't mind and that you enjoy reading this edition as much as we enjoyed putting it together. We pray the articles will remind you of the way you used to be and the heavenly Father who longs for you to be that way again. We remain His less than perfect children - sheltered under His wing and overwhelmed by His love, Steve & Cathy Hall DEAR TEDDY (Received via Coffee in the Rain - Author Cindy Pike Dunning) (Special Note: This poem is a vivid reminder of the vulnerability of God's precious little ones and their need for us to understand and protect them from senseless harm. Please allow it to speak to your heart as it did ours.) Teddy, I've been bad again, My Mommy told me so; I'm not quite sure what I did wrong, But I thought that you might know. When I woke up this morning, I knew that she was mad; Cause she was crying awful hard, And yelling at my dad. I tried my best to be real good, And do just what she said; I cleaned my room all by myself, I even made my bed. But I spilled milk on my good shirt, When she yelled at me to hurry; And I guess she didn't hear me, When I told her I was sorry. Cause she hit me awful hard, you see, And called me funny names; And told me I was really bad, And I should be ashamed! When I said, "I love you, Mommy," I guess she didn't understand; Cause she yelled at me to shut my mouth. Or I'd get smacked again. So I came up here to talk to you, Please tell me what to do; Cause I really love my Mommy, And I know she loves me, too. And I don't think my Mommy means, To hit me quite so hard; I guess sometimes, grown ups forget. How really big they are! So Teddy, I wish you were real, And you weren't just a bear; Then you could help me find a way. To tell Mommies everywhere. To please try hard to understand. How sad it makes us feel; Cause the outside pain soon goes a way, But the inside never heals! And if we could make them listen, Maybe then they'd understand; So other children just like me, Wouldn't have to hurt again. But for now, I guess I'll hold you tight, And pretend the pain's not there; I know you'd never hurt me, So Goodnight, Teddy Bear! Copyright © Cindy Pike Dunning All Rights Reserved A SON'S NEED (Received from Sari Cobb) A man came home from work late again, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year-old son waiting for him at the door. "Daddy, may I ask you a question ?" "Yeah, sure. What is it ?" replied the man. "Daddy, how much money do you make an hour?" "That's none of your business! What makes you ask such a thing?" the man said angrily. "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?" pleaded the little boy. "If you must know, I make $20 an hour." "Oh," the little boy replied, head bowed. Looking up, he said, "Daddy, may I borrow $9 please?" The father was furious. "If the only reason you wanted to know how much money I make is just so you can borrow some to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you're being so selfish. I work long, hard hours every day and don't have time for such childish games." The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door obviously crestfallen. The man sat down and started to get even madder about the little boy's questioning. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money. After an hour or so the man calmed down. He started to think he may have been a little hard on his son. Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $9 and he didn't ask for money very often. The man went to the little boy's room and opened the door. "Are you asleep son?" he asked. "No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy. "I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier," said the man. "It's been long day and I took my aggravations out on you. Here's that $9 you asked for." The little boy sat straight up, beaming. "Oh, thank you daddy!" he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow, he pulled out some more crumpled up bills. The man, seeing that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at the man. "Why did you want more money if you already had some?" the father grumbled. "Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied. "Daddy, I have $20 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?" KIDS SAY THE FUNNIEST THINGS (Received from KiserLinda at aol.com) A first grader was sitting in class as the teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to acquire building materials for his home. She said ". . . And so the pig went up to the man with a wheelbarrow full of straw and said 'Pardon me sir, but might I have some of that straw to build my house with?'" Then the teacher asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" My friend's son raised his hand and said "I know! I know! He said . . . 'Holy smokes! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, "Now, boys, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face." "Yes, sir," the boys said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause yer feet ain't empty." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ For weeks, a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event. The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?" Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!" MORE DELIGHTFUL WISDOM FROM CHILDREN (Received from Yogi Bourhill) The kindergarten teacher was showing her class an encyclopedia page picturing several national flags. She pointed to the American flag and asked, "What flag is this?" A little girl called out, "That's the flag of our country." "Very good," the teacher said. "And what is the name of our country?" The girl said confidently, 'Tis of thee." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time and she asked, "My name begins with the letter `M' and I pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the front row said, . . . "You're a mother." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. "Is that your grandmother?" I asked. "Yes," Chris said. "She's come to visit us for Christmas." "How nice," I said. "Where does she live?" "At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we want her we just go out there and get her." IS ANYONE THERE? (Received from Alan Smith - Thought for the Day) The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child whispering, "Hello?" Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?" "Yes", whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?", the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No." Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" "Yes", came the answer. "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No." Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there anyone there besides you?" the boss asked the child. "Yes", whispered the child, "A policeman." Wondering what an officer would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" "No, he's busy", whispered the child. "Busy doing what?", asked the boss. "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman", came the whispered answer. Growing concerned and even worried as he heard a loud noise through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?" "A hello-copper", answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?", asked the boss, now alarmed. In an awed voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper!" Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "Why are they there?" Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "They're looking for me!" WHAT DID YOU FIND? (Received from Archie in Clovis - Author Unknown) The surgeon sat beside the boy's bed; the boy's parents sat across from him. "Tomorrow morning," the surgeon began, "I'll open up your heart..." "You'll find Jesus there," the boy interrupted. The surgeon looked up, annoyed. "I'll cut your heart open," he continued, "to see how much damage has been done..." "But when you open up my heart, you'll find Jesus in there." The surgeon looked to the parents, who sat quietly. "When I see how much damage has been done, I'll sew your heart and chest back up and I'll plan what to do next." "But you'll find Jesus in my heart. The Bible says He lives there. The hymns all say He lives there. You'll find Him in my heart." The surgeon had had enough. "I'll tell you what I'll find in your heart. I'll find damaged muscle, low blood supply, and weakened vessels. And I'll find out if I can make you well." "You'll find Jesus there too. He lives there." The surgeon left. The surgeon sat in his office, recording his notes from the surgery. "...damaged aorta, damaged pulmonary vein, widespread muscle degeneration. No hope for transplant, no hope for cure. Therapy: painkillers and bedrest. Prognosis:," here he paused, "death within one year." He stopped the recorder, but there was more to be said. "Why?" he asked aloud. "Why did You do this? You've put him here; You've put him in this pain; and You've cursed him to an early death. Why?" The Lord answered and said, "The boy, My lamb, was not meant for your flock for long, for he is a part of My flock, and will forever be. Here, in My flock, he will feel no pain, and will be comforted as you cannot imagine. His parents will one day join him here, and they will know peace, and My flock will continue to grow." The surgeon's tears were hot, but his anger was hotter. "You created that boy, and You created that heart. He'll be dead in months. Why?" The Lord answered, "The boy, My lamb, shall return to My flock, for he has done his duty: I did not put My lamb with your flock to lose him, but to retrieve another lost lamb." The surgeon wept. The surgeon sat beside the boy's bed; the boy's parents sat across from him. The boy awoke and whispered, "Did you cut open my heart?" "Yes," said the surgeon. "What did you find?" asked the boy. "I found Jesus there," said the surgeon. _______________________________________________________________ Copyright © 2000 by Stephen J. Hall - Weekly letters of encouragement to Christians written by Stephen J. Hall unless otherwise indicated. Notes from the Valley and Humor from the Valley are never intended to offend anyone. They're meant only to brighten your day and encourage you along the way. Most of "Notes" and "Humor" are a collection of items provided to me by subscribers and friends. Credit is given to both the contributor and to the true author, where known. If you are blessed by them, please feel free to make copies and pass them along to others. If you have something you'd like to contribute to a future edition or would like to ask us a question or make a comment, please contact us at: sossteve@... _____________________________________________________________ "Surely God does not reject a blameless man or strengthen the hands of evildoers. He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy." Job 8:20-21 (NIV)