Brothers+

Please indulge me in a bit of imaginative nonsense.

Some necromancer has brought Rube Goldberg back as an
advisor to Cantaur. You heard it here first; it is
“fairly unbalanced news” and must be true.

Yup.  Rube Goldberg has been inventing responses for
Canterbury since the Vicki Gene affair.

1.	The committee responses, the Windsor Report and
press releases from Canterbury following the dark day
in 2003 made 40 appropriate “tut-tuts“ and a good
“analysis of the situation that made clear the
failures of ECUSA & New Westminster.”  Those had to
written under inspiratrion of Rube Goldberg.

Rube G also put tough discipline into the convoluted
documents by taking away ECUSA’s Chair at Anglican
Communion meetings, thinking that would be a strong
enough hint to keep the rude Americans away and
assigning them a sort of second class citizenship in
the Kingdom.  Sorry Rube, it didn’t work; ECUSA
representatives came and talked and declared
themselves to be a class act.

2.	The next ploy by Rube Goldberg was to have those
who composed the Windsor document to issue ECUSA a
“double dog dare” to come back to the Primates
meetings without  confessing sins and amending  life. 
Included in the mounds of verbiage were references to
appropriate subjects for ordination including women
for the office of bishop.  Rube’s deadline for
response to the Anglican Communion corresponded
roughly with the ECUSA General Convention.

Again Rube hadn’t reckoned with American ingenuity or
chutzpah.  At their General Convention, the rude and
crude Americans came back in the style of the Bowery
Boys at a posh dinner party.  They stuck their fingers
into Canterbury’s eyes and said, “We’re sorry you are
hurting.”  Then they methodically continued to destroy
the furniture in the Anglican Party Room.

In his normal genteel fashion the Archbishop of
Canterbury congratulated the new Presiding Bishop for
her academic achievements and thanked ECUSA for the
expressions of regret while ruminating about whether
the expressions were sufficient as he referred it back
to the Rube Goldberg inspired Committee.


3.	In light of Rube’s failures to achieve unity, here
is a Suggestion to Rube for an invention to restore
harmony in the Anglican Communion, perhaps before
2012.  

First, Rube should design sensory detecting devices
that controls both auditory and visual inputs and
require that they be worn by all Primates in the
Anglican Communion and their appointees.  
Whenever ++Akinola or conservatives speak, ECUSANS and
other revisionists will see smiling faces and hear “We
love you and are thankful that you have led us from
our benighted state into the light of the wonderful
future you have presented.”

Whenever the ECUSANS and other revisionists speak, the
other side will hear, “We love you and are thankful
that you have restored our sanity and brought us back
to the old paths.”

After hearing these harmonious affirmations ++Williams
and his committees will sing from the Moravian Hymnal,
 “Joined in community, treasured and fed, may we
discover gifts in each other, willing to lead and be
led.”

The necromancer who brought back Cartoonist Rube
Goldberg to advise the Canterbury Committees will end
the session by reviving the shade of the late
Carolinian and advocate for unity, Bishop James Parker
Dees (AOC), who will pronounce this benediction, “All
we need is a little mo’ luv and compassion.”

ARRRGGGGHHHH.  All better now.  I must be off.

Charles+
Church of the Good Shepherd, Indianapolis