[faithandlife] APOLOGIES TO POOR RICHARD and RESEARCHERS IN ANTIQUITIES

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From: "Charles Scott" <crscott@...>
Date: Fri, 11 Oct 2002 11:57:40 +0000
When you were in elementary school you may have read Ben Franklin's 
aphorisms written in Poor Richard's Almanac.

Those of you interested in tracing the development of ideas and myth by 
rummaging through old books and manuscripts may want to tackle the 
development of the following groaner which combines elements of the 
centuries old legend of Sinbad with a saying from Poor Richards.  I first 
heard a version of the story nearly 50 years ago.  Are there any Bultmann's 
in our midst who would hazard a guess as to when the myth crystallized into 
its present form?

I note what may be a recent innovation in the last line of the second 
paragraph which ends "a huge semi-transparent Genie."  Also, another 
modification had to be made after the invention of stainless steel.

Charles
-----------------------

Bennie was walking down the beach one day when he found a bottle.
It was an old bottle, covered with barnacles and detritus from the
sea. It had a cap on top sealed with wax of sorts.

Bennie took the bottle home, and cleaned it up. He wondered what was
in it so he peeled off the wax and removed the lid. All at once the room was 
filled with a dark sulfurous smoke, and there towering through the ceiling 
was a huge semi-transparent Genie.

The Genie spoke in a loud, dish shattering voice: "Thank you
Bennie. I have been a prisoner in this bottle for almost 3000 years. I have 
longed to be released from this prison. In gratitude I will grant thee three 
wishes."

"Wow" said Bennie. "Three wishes". "I know what I want. I want, health,
wealth, long life, and happiness".

"Uh Bennie." says the Genie; "That's four wishes."

"Oh." says Bennie.

"Little Bennie", says the Genie. "Out of gratitude for releasing me from
my prison, I will grant thee those four wishes, but with a condition.
The condition being that you never shave".

"Well I can live with that." Chirped Bennie.

"Poof!"

Bennies Wishes were granted, and he enjoyed, health, wealth, long life
and happiness. Happiness with but one exception. Bennie was troubled with an 
excessively long beard. Bennie would braid the beard, curl the beard, tie it 
up upon his head. Do all sorts of things with it, but it still bothered him 
that he had it.

One day Bennie decided that he just had enough. He decided to do
something. He took out a stainless steel razor. He put the razor in a
brass razor holder. He opened a drawer and took out his bright and
shiny barber scissors. He began to cut upon his beard. So far nothing bad 
had happened. He then washed his face well, taking care to soak what 
remained of his beard. He soaped himself, and then began to shave.

No sooner was he finished with the act of shaving then ... All at once a 
flash of light. Bennie was no longer there.

What remained was an old funeral urn. An old urn with the inscription upon 
it:
"Here lie the remains of Bennie. A BENNIE SHAVED IS A BENNIE URNED."



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