Friends,

I am asking for your prayers today.  I apologize for the length of
this request.  I am bearing my heart and soul in this message, perhaps
unwisely so.

As you know, I am working full-time (& a half) to support my family
while going to seminary part-time.  I really do not like my work.  I
feel it is a waste of my life to be spending my days looking at the
same tired spreadsheets all day when God has called me to preach and
teach His Word.  Please don't misunderstand me, I am grateful to God
for giving me my job.  I am paid fairly well for what I do.  I am
thankful that I can support my wife at home with the children.  I am
thankful that I get to live in a nice house and that we are nearly
debt-free (except for the house).  I am thankful that my job brings me
into contact with lost people to whom I can be a light for the gospel.
 But it is not my calling, and I am restless until I can do what I
feel God has called me to do.  So ... I'm trying hard not to be
ungrateful and not to whine about my situation but I'm very
discouraged at the moment.

Next week, I'll be 38 years old.  The thought of another ten years of
seminary until I graduate frightens me.  I am getting too old for
all-nighters, not starting my homework until after the kids and my
wife go to sleep, and then getting up after 2 hours of sleep to work a
10 hour day.  I look ahead to after I graduate and I think "What SBC
church will want a 50 year-old Reformed pastor with no ministry
experience?"  I'll be too old to be a youth pastor or an associate
pastor and working my way up to a senior pastor position.

You may remember that I recently joined Clifton Baptist Church (CBC).
In fact, my wife and I were just voted into membership last night.
(We've been at the church for six months but the membership process is
very long and involved, which I think is a good thing.)  We are very
happy at Clifton.  We agree with the church's doctrine and practice
100%.  I'm sure you realize that it is a rare SBC church that is
Reformed and also agrees with our convictions on family worship,
complementarian marriages, and the blessings of (many) children.
After three years in Louisville, we finally feel "home."  In addition,
CBC is blessed by the presence of many of the most brilliant
theologians of our day.  Being in such close vicinity of SBTS, Clifton
enjoys the benefit of having many seminary professors and doctoral and
M.Div. students attend and serve as teaching elders.

Our "Preaching Pastor" is Dr. Tom Schreiner, Associate Dean and
Professor of Scripture and Interpretation at SBTS.  Our church started
a new church plant on Resurrection Sunday of this year.  As a result,
we lost our "Pastor of Ministries" who carried out the day-to-day
responsibilities of the pastor that Pastor Tom is unable to perform
because of his seminary responsibilities.  The church has formed a
Pastoral Search Committee (PSC) to look for a new full-time pastor.
The Elders, following the prompting of the Lord, have decided that it
is time for Clifton to have a full-time preaching pastor.  As great a
job as Dr. Schreiner is doing, the elders believe that for the
long-term benefit of the church that CBC should have a full-time
pastor who can fulfill both the ministry and teaching/preaching
responsibilities of the office.  The plan is to hire a new Pastor of
Ministries who will transition over the next two or three years into
the full-time pastor of both ministries and preaching.  Because of the
unique make-up of the church body with so many gifted and well-trained
young men, the PSC would rather fill this position from within.  Dr.
Bruce Ware, the Elder who laid out the vision before the body last
night, said that the PSC was not necessarily looking for a man with
many years of preaching and ministry experience, but rather for a man
who was called, gifted, and who could transition into the position.

My heart leapt as I listened to Dr. Ware explain the goal and ambition
of the PSC.  In addition, a man in the congregation voiced his
approval of the plan, adding that he would look favorably on a man who
had managed his household well but who might not have a resume
chock-full of experience.  Brothers, I cannot tell you what
encouragement that was to me.  Although the church is full of very
talented and educated men (many of whom are way, way smarter than me),
I am somewhat unique in that most of them are young (20's) with young
children (most of those who have children have preschoolers) or who
have delayed having children until after they have completed their
education (a decision I do not agree with).
Ours is the largest family in the church and -- excuse me while I brag
a bit -- everyone tells us that our children are a delight and their
teachers all tell us our our children are their favorites.

For the first time since coming to Louisville to pursue my M.Div. I
saw an open door to continue my studies while serving the Lord
full-time.  I have thought about some wacky plans to pursue the same
goal (ministering at three UMC churches in Indiana, pastoring a small
church hours away from the seminary, etc.), but here is an opportunity
that I would never have even dreamed of before.  To minister in a
church which I already love, to be mentored by some of the greatest
preachers and teachers of God's Word in the world today, and to do all
of this while accelerating the completion of my M.Div (and possibly a
Ph.D.) is beyond my hopes and prayers.  And then I shared my
enthusiasm with my wife ...

I want to be fair here.  She has ample reason to be sceptical.  I have
let her down in some pretty major ways during our marriage, and in the
somewhat recent past as well.  I do not want to go into the details
but I will say that she has just cause to say that she doesn't think
that we are ready for such a position.  To go from just joining the
church to becoming the pastor in one night is crazy!  There are
hundreds of men more qualified than I at CBC.  There are men closer to
completing their degrees.  There are hundreds of men at CBC who have
already completed their M.Div.'s, Th.M's,  and Ph.D.'s who are looking
for a pastoral position.  There are men who have not had the personal
struggles that I have had (or so she presumes).  Jesus said that a
prophet has no honor in his hometown, and it is certainly true that my
wife knows me better than anyone else.  I truly value her council and
her wisdom.  I am the leader of our home.  I make the decisions.  But
I would be a fool to ignore the advice of a godly woman who loves me
and has stood by me through so much trial and hardship.  I really and
truly love my wife.  But her lack of support has hurt me deeply.  I am
left hurt, discouraged, and confused.

Why am I even here?  Why am I working so hard for a goal that is
unattainable?  Why would God call me to His service and then leave me
on the sidelines?  I know that that last question is not true.  I know
that God is Sovereign and that His plans for me is for my good.  I
know that His Will is unalterable and that He will accomplish all of
His good purposes for my life ... but I don't see it today.  Please
pray for me.


-- 

Grace and peace,
Kevin Sigafoos
---------------------
For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be
glory forever. Amen. (Rom 11:36)