Ditto,Jerry.
Joyce,I can neither quibble with nor improve upon
Steve's answer.
Please know,however,that I am praying with you for the
peace of mind that only our Lord and savior Jesus
Christ can give. 
I,having just two weeks ago,to bury my sister can
appreciate and empathize with your agony.
please be assured of His peace and comfort. 
your brother in Christ, Ed
--- Jerry Lewis <jlew0@...> wrote:

> Good answer, Steve!
> 
> Jerry L
>   ----- Original Message ----- 
>   From: Steven G. Rockhill 
>   To: pastorsforum@... 
>   Sent: Monday, July 21, 2008 11:31 PM
>   Subject: Re: [PastorsForum] Question - Lost
> Souls/God's Grace
> 
> 
>   Joyce,
>     Unfortunately there is no easy answer to your
> questions.  One of the greatest tragedies is losing
> a loved one and not having any kind of certain hope
> or assurance about their eternal security in Christ.
>  When a professed believer in Christ dies, of course
> we do not know the truth of their hearts, but we go
> by what they have professed and the evident fruit of
> that profession in their lives.  So when a believer
> dies, though we are saddened by the curse of sin and
> by our missing of them, it really is a joyous
> occasion because we have great hope and assurance
> that they are with the Lord. Psalm 116:15 Precious
> in the sight of the LORD Is the death of His saints.
>  We know that their souls immediately pass into
> glory and that they are present with the Lord where
> there is fullness of Joy (Ps. 16).
> 
>   When an unbeliever dies, someone who denied faith
> and denied Christ in their life, it is a truly sad
> occasion - I have done a few funerals for
> unbelievers and it is not joyous at all.  Of course
> there is always a glimmer of hope that they might
> have had in their last dying breaths a "thief on the
> cross" conversion - we just do not know, we only
> know the fruits of their lives -and their fruit was
> dead and faithless.  These, their souls go to Hell
> to await the Judgment on the Last Great Day.
> 
>   Most difficult however is the person who as far as
> we could tell, was an unbeliever.  However, they had
> heard the truth of the Gospel many times - perhaps
> they attended church for a while as a child or as an
> adult, they maybe have no real aversion to the Bible
> or faith, but they do not live it in a way in which
> we might.  They professed belief in God but as far
> as we could tell they had no personal relationship
> with Christ.  They were not perfect people - and
> sometimes they sinned greatly but most people would
> say that they were "good people" who would do
> anything to help you.  They were loving, kind and
> generous.  They made time for family but not the
> things of the Lord: church, prayer, bible study,
> meditation etc.  Or some may have even had an active
> prayer life albeit rote formal prayers.  These ones
> it is much harder to pinpoint.  I don't know if this
> is where your brother was or not.  But this is where
> my Grandfather was when he died almost a year ago
> (July 29th) and it is pretty much where my
> grandmother remains (I just talked to her about it
> Sunday afternoon).
> 
>   The most challenging part of it is that we just do
> not know - and indeed we will not know until we get
> to heaven.  And even then we may not have the full
> answer.  If they are in heaven we will see them
> there.  But if they are not in heaven - I personally
> believe (because there are no tears or sorrows in
> heaven) that we will not miss them as we miss them
> now because our hearts and minds will be filled with
> more glorious things (i.e. being in God's Holy
> presence).
> 
>   So what are we to do now?  There are two great
> truths that we must cling to (and this is what I
> urged my family to cling to in regards to my
> grandfather).
> 
>   1) God is most gracious - and His grace abounds
> beyond what we could even possibly imagine.  1
> Timothy 1:14  And the grace of our Lord was
> exceedingly abundant, with faith and love which are
> in Christ Jesus.      
> 
>   2) God is a just, holy and most righteous God and
> He will not send anyone to Hell who does not deserve
> to be there.  Genesis 18:25  "Far be it from You to
> do such a thing as this, to slay the righteous with
> the wicked, so that the righteous should be as the
> wicked; far be it from You! Shall not the Judge of
> all the earth do right?" 
> 
>   Again, this doesn't answer all the questions and
> it doesn't give us any clear assurance in regards to
> particular individuals - but it is the truth of
> God's Word and it is what He has revealed to about
> Himself.  And so simply, when all else fails we must
> trust in the "full" character of God.  I say "full"
> character because some like to pick and choose which
> attributes they prefer or like to emphasize - but in
> such difficult and trying times we must trust in the
> "full" character (e.g. not just love - but love,
> holiness, justice, goodness etc).  
> 
>   Aside from my grandfather, my family and I also
> experienced similar "pain of uncertainty" when my
> oldest brother died 13 years ago.  My brother knew
> the truth, he knew the Gospel and in many ways he
> was very kind, sensitive and compassionate (usually
> when he wasn't high).  He heard the gospel many
> times in church and from family members.  But there
> was never any repentance or true change of heart. 
> He read the bible through many times but it seemed
> as though his eyes were never opened to the truth. 
> He lived his life the way he wanted (which was often
> in defiance of God and God's laws).  He even one
> time foolishly tempted God by telling me after I
> shared the gospel with him once, "I am going to wait
> and have a death bed conversion".  Interestingly
> enough, some time later he was in a car wreck and
> was injured badly and I asked him about whether he
> thought about the Lord and his response was simply
> and truthfully, "I didn't have any time".  but even
> after that he was not swayed.  On the day he finally
> did die, although we figured it would happen at some
> point, it was still a great shock.  The most
> difficult thing my family struggled with was not
> having any assurance about his eternal security in
> the Lord.  The grief of my parents over this was so
> strong that it was a great witness to my sister and
> she received Christ as her savior.  My other
> brother, who is a Christian, arrived on the seen at
> my brothers apartment just when the paramedics did,
> initially he placed a great deal of hope in the fact
> that my brother was found on his kitchen floor
> hunched over on his knees.  Did he have time to
> confess Christ before he died?  Was he in the
> position of praying?  Eventually my other brother
> and the rest of the family came to acknowledge that
> we will never know and we cannot torture ourselves
> fretting this way or that about it.  God knows and
> it is in His Hands - He is most Gracious and He is
> most Just.  
> 
>   Well I have been blabbing on for a while here but
> perhaps you have time for just one more story (you
> know how we preachers get :-)   ).  This was more
> recent (Jan. 2008).  I was ministering to a man and
> his family.  The man's daughter is a believer who
> occasionally comes to our church.  I believe the
> man's wife is a Christian, although she has never
> been a member of a "bible believing church."  The
> man had cancer and was declining rapidly.  Both wife
> and daughter (daughter especially) were greatly
> concerned about the man's spiritual condition.
> Again, he was one who had heard the Gospel at least
> a few times and his daughter even wrote a very clear
> and direct letter to him some time previous that
> clearly presented the Gospel - this man was not
> ignorant of the way of salvation.  When I would
> visit I would read Scripture and pray with he and
> his wife - pointing him frequently to the true
> eternal healing in Christ.  What turned out to be
> the afternoon before he died - I went to visit him
> at his home - he was in great pain and spoke very
> little.  I asked him if he could hear me and he
> nodded - I read some Scripture and prayed and then I
> spoke directly and loudly to him and said something
> to the effect of  "you need to trust in Jesus for
> salvation" and he made a sound that was somewhere
> between a grunt and groan.  I was a little startled
> at first because to me it sounded like he said,
> "alright" but I wasn't sure.  His wife then looked
> at me and said, "It sounded like he said, "alright".
>  Though I have no sense of certainty - I am inclined
> to say that this man may have had a death bed
> conversion.  Though this was a great comfort to his
> wife and daughter - they still struggled with the
> not knowing for sure.  And again, what do you think
> I did?  I pointed them back to what we know about
> God and His character - He is most gracious and the
> Judge of all the earth will indeed do that which is
> right and just.
> 
>   Joyce, as hard as it may be for you and your
> family right now - there are just some things that
> God has not revealed to us - we must do the hard
> work of coming to grips with the mysteries of God,
> working out our grief and continue on in our own
> lives for His glory.  And all the while we trust in
> God's faithfulness to His own character.  Joyce I
> will continue to keep you and your family and
> especially your nephew Pat, Jr. in prayer.  Please
> keep us updated.
> 
>   Peace in Christ Jesus,
>   Steve
> 
> 
> 
> 
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Ed Hill,Sr